Trying to find motivation to get out of my funk – 29th March 2019

Today hasn’t been a great day for me. Guess what! No swimming this morning. I’m exhausted by the time it comes to Friday. I couldn’t wake up this morning. I went to get Bella up to make an attempt to go swimming and in the end I snuggled up with her. I only got up because Bella wanted to go down stairs.

I’ve felt low today. My anxiety is high and dealing with benefit claims and other paperwork did not help at all. I hate talking to people on the phone – I mean hate. I will very rarely talk to people I know on the phone so when it comes to strangers it can take days to build up the courage. This is why I tend to email everyone. I don’t have to deal with a person in that exact moment. However I had received a letter and I needed to sort it today. After staring at my phone for ages I finally pressed call to be met by an automatic message and then it hung up on me. So on to the gov website to see if that could help. Sorted part of my benefits, or stopping them altogether actually as i have to change department. But I was so confused by this letter I had to ring the number on the letter again. This time I did actually speak to a person and they cleared up my confusion thankfully. I’ve now got to take on the delightful job of sorting out Universal Credit. Fun stuff.

So my morning was filled with that boring stuff while Bella played with her new doctors set that she had bought with her birthday money. She made sure that baby was ok and looked after her.

Bella is known to wander out into the hallway – her kitchen she is out there. However today she disappeared out there and reappeared with her hands behind her back. She does this when she has something she knows she shouldn’t and doesn’t want me to see. Behind her back was a huge chunk of cake. She’s so cute though so I didn’t take it off her.

Daly came and joined us for our afternoon. I wasn’t much fun as i was on a downer from all the stuff I’ve been dealing with. Just money wise today – not all the rest of the crap that’s going on in the back ground.

Daly sat watching some videos while Bella played. Daly had curled up on his knees into a ball so Bella saw the perfect opportunity to play. She climbed on to dalys back going yeehaa! Daly didn’t seem to happy that he was being ridden like a horse. It was so funny.

It was cute watching them play. Cheered me up a little bit but didn’t last sadly.

Daly had to head off home before he went to work to pick up some bits to help with this Universal Credit claim. I spent most of my afternoon looking for jobs but being a stay at home mum with server anxiety there isn’t really any jobs to do from home anymore. Just gonna have to not spend any money.

Bella did some colouring this afternoon after she had written her friends Sophies birthday card ready for her birthday tomorrow. I did some washing up while watching YouTube and cooked dinner early as i just wasn’t feeling today. I need a holiday or something to get me out of this funk. At least we have plans for tomorrow.

Anyways night all and let’s see what adventures tomorrow holds for us

Love CiCi x

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